Hello, my bucket list friends! Yesterday was the last day of me being a preschool teacher. It was definitely a bittersweet day. I’m happy that I made this decision for myself and my health but every time one of the kids got picked up yesterday I got sad knowing I may not see them again. I got a going away card from my coworkers and boss so that was super nice. I’m still a mix of scared and excited but I got a job at a great company and I can’t wait to start working there. Having a lower stress job will give me the time and energy to focus on my writing and voice acting. Anyways after my last day I went to Target because in my mind a trip to Target is a good way to celebrate anything including the end of my career in childcare. At Target I was happy to see that there were some Christmas things out in the Dollar section. I got two Christmas craft kits. In the Toy section I also got two Barbie color reveal dolls. I’m also really excited about this scalp massager I got. Even though I was tired from my last day I’m glad I went to Target after. I’m proud of myself for giving my career in childcare my best shot and I’m also proud of myself for knowing when to walk away.
Hello,my bucket list friends! I know the title of this post is a little odd but I consider myself to be an open person and I have a lot of emotions that I want to sort through right now so here goes nothing. I’m just gonna come right out and say it. I’ve decided to move on from my career in preschool and childcare. I have worked on and off in the childcare industry since I was in high school. I have worked in summer camps, done babysitting, I worked at an indoor playground,an after school program, and preschools. The stress of this industry has been negativity impacting me for a while now. I have walked away from this industry before only to come crawling back to the steady hours it offerd. It is easy to find jobs in the childcare industry when you are qualified because there is a high turnover rate. I have put in my two weeks notice at my current job. I also signed a contract to myself saying I would never return to childcare industry. I’m going to be blunt it is a high stress and low paying industry. Most of the employees in this industry are under stress and pressure. It’s not a very healthy environment when you have a bunch of stressed out people working together. I’m excited to move on from this career that is honestly harmful to my health. However, I’m terrified because I’m not sure what’s next. I know I want to have a career in voice acting and writing but I’m not going to be able to start making money in that right away. I’ve been applying to a lot of jobs and I will see which one I end up with with. I know that having a lower stress job will give me the energy I nees to focus on my dreams. I know God has a plan for me it’s just hard because I don’t know what that plan is but I also know that he will show me in his perfect timing. I’m so proud of myself for taking this important step in my life. I should have left this industry a long time ago but I let fear hold me back. Well not anymore. Things are uncertain right now but I’m looking forward to new adventures.
Hello,my bucket list friends! On Monday I took a mental health day. I have OCD and sometimes I’m in need of a mental health day. Monday was of of thoes days. On this mental health day I decided it would be a good idea to go to the beach. I live about 20 minutes or so from the beach but I don’t go very often and the weekends are the worst time to go due to the crowds. Since I had nothing else planned that day my mom and I along with one of our favorite dogs in the whole world went to one my favorite beaches. Even though it was a Monday the parking lot was full when we got there but we didn’t have to wait long for a space to become available. It was a beautiful summer day and it was so nice to walk along the beach and put my feet in the water. I took a lot of pictures and Axle (the dog) had great time running on the beach and saying hi to other dogs. My friend lives even closer to the beach then I do so she met us at the beach. It was great to see her. It can be hard to find time to spend with friends so I was very happy we got to spend some time together. After our walk on the beach my friend and I went to the little store by the parking lot. I was hungry after all that walking. I got some snacks and a cute turtle souvenire that was made out of shells. It was a good beach day I hope I can go again before summer ends!
Hello, my bucket list friends! Yesterday, I took a mental health day. This is a perfect time to say that mental health days are very important and it is important to take them. Anyways,I had a chance to paint yesterday. I decided to paint a firework inspired painting. I loved all the colors I used. I’m happy with this painting. My other highlights included taking bath with two bath bombs and going to Starbucks for coffee. I got a vanilla latte it was amazing! I love coffee so much! I hope you are all taking care of your mental health. Thanks for reading!
Hello,my bucket list friends! I haven’t finished writing my posts about my amazing vacation yet. However since coming back from vacation my life has been a little on the crazy side and I need to talk about it. The day after we got back from Florida, Sherri our fifteen year old cat was not acting like herself. On Monday night we took her to an Emergency vet and it turned out she was a lot sicker then I thought. She had an infection and her kidneys were not doing well at all. I knew that she had kidney disease but I didn’t realize how advanced it was. She ended up being hospitalized until Wednesday. I did realize just how much this was bothering me until Thursday. I have to leave work early because I broke out in a rash. I didn’t know what it was at first. I walked to CVS to get medicine to stop the itching. While I was there I got a My little pony toy. I was feeling pretty bad but I got excited when I saw it on the shelf. It turned out that my rash was a stress rash. My rash kept on coming back and I’m still not over it yet. Friday night I got some relief from my stress when I went to a local light display drive through with Amy and my parents. On Saturday I visited one of my favorite local stores called Affordable Treasures and celebrated my dad’s birthday. Sunday we went to a family party. I’m trying not to stress but my emotions have been all over the place. It doesn’t help that it is a very busy time of year right now. I do work at a school but we are not out for Christmas break until Christmas Eve. Things have not been the easiest lately but yesterday we got some encouraging news. Sherri went to the vet again and the vet gave her longer to live then she originally told us. some other good news is last week I went to Target and I finished my Christmas shopping I also got a snowboarding Barbie doll and other fun things. I know it’s not something I usually say on my blog but I could really use your prayers right now. My depression has been acting up lately. Sometimes optimism is hard to find. Oh before I end this blog post I do have something exciting to tell you about. I started taking voice acting lessons! I had my first class on Sunday and it went really well. I’m excited to see where this adventure will take me. Thanks for reading!
Hello, my bucket list friends ! Some of you may remember that in February of last year I participated in a OCD study at Stanford. ( You can read some of my posts about it HERE,HERE and HERE) I thought I would be a good time to update all of you on how my mental health is doing over a year after participating in the study and receiving TMS treatment. Without further delay here we go !
OCD update ( over a year after TMS)
Not that long after the treatments I wrote a post ( You can read it HERE) about the positive impact that the TMS treatment had on my mental health. I wrote about how my OCD symptoms had been greatly reduced and that my overall mental health had improved. Well I’m very happy to say that things have stayed that way . OCD does not control my life the way it used to before I got treatment at Stanford. I feel much more in control of my mental health and my daily life in general. I’m able to brush off OCD’s attacks quickly. I still have some rough days like everyone dose but those seem to be few and far between. I’m so blessed that I was given the chance to participate in this study it has truly changed my life for the better.
Hello, my bucket list friends . Last month I wrote quite a few posts about my TMS treatments for OCD . If you want to read them just look at my posts on this blog from February 2019. Anyways, I thought it would be a good idea to give an update on how I’m doing since treatment.Hold on tight and here we go !
Dear OCD, I’m in charge now
In my previous posts about TMS I wrote about some of the changes that occurred during treatments. OCD began to lose it’s grip on me and I was feeling more in control then ever before. Well, I’m happy to say that things have continued to improve. Before receiving the TMS treatments, OCD controlled a large part of my day. It was always controlling what I could and could not wear, what songs I could and couldn’t listen to, what order I had to put the blankets on my bed and many more things that impacted my everyday life. I felt anxiety that if I didn’t follow OCD’s orders bad things would happen . I never truly realized just how much of my time that OCD took from me. Now, things are very different I’m in charge now. I’m able to make my own everyday choices with feeling little to no anxiety. If OCD stars to give me orders I remind it that I’m in charge now and I do what I want to do. I was so used to following OCD’s orders that now sometimes I have to stop and ask myself what I want to do . I feel so free now! Now , don’t get me wrong life is not perfect and it never will be but I feel a lot better now that I’m free from OCD’s control. OCD still sneaks in with it’s unwanted thoughts from time to time but I can dismiss these thoughts faster and easier then ever before ! I’m so happy that I took part in the study at Stanford. Things are looking up.
Hello, my bucket list friends ! Yesterday I got my 2nd and final MRI for the OCD study at Stanford. As always I’m excited to share my experience with all of you. Here we go !
My 2nd MRI
Things have changed a bit since my last MRI. After the TMS treatments my relationship with my OCD has changed in a huge way ! I’m now in control of my everyday choices instead of my OCD. I feel so free now. I wonder if the MRI showed any change . The MRI was just the same as before. I changed into scrubs and got some ear plugs. After that I got into the machine. I felt really cozy in the MRI machine and towards the end I almost fell asleep ! After the scan was finished I had a call with a doctor to discuss how I was doing after the TMS treatments. On the way home we stopped at this huge whole foods and I got this very cute dog cupcake Overall I’m doing really well right now and I’m so glad that I took part in this study.
Hello, my bucket list friends ! Valentine’s day 2019 was my fourth day of TMS treatments. Hold on tight as I tell you about day 4 !
TMS day 4 ( Valentine’s day)
Day four ! It was so close to the end of the week ! Plus it was Valentine’s day and my mom was coming to pick me up and were going to get frozen yogurt ! The thoughts of seeing my mom and frozen yogurt kept me excited for that night. The day of treatments were the same as the days before. I was very used to the treatments by day four . Every hour I went and got my TMS treatments and then I went back to my office and hung out . While I was in my office I decided to challenge my OCD again. Things were going pretty well I wasn’t listening to OCD’s orders any more so I went for it . I went on to YouTube and I watched a horror movie trailer then I watched a countdown about horror movies and I didn’t freak out ! Before I began the TMS a trailer for a horror movie popped up on one of my social media feeds I could only make it through a few seconds before closing the ad . Now let me make this clear I don’t like horror movies and I’m not gonna become a big fan of them but with my OCD I can get very easily upset if I see an ad for one . It can raise my anxiety levels and even make me angry . Now I’m able to work on getting myself use to seeing those kinds of ads with out getting upset. After the TMS sessions were done for the day my mom picked me up. First we went to Whole Foods then we got some Frozen Yogurt at Pink Berry. It was a great way to end another long day of TMS .
Hello, My bucket list friends ! Yesterday I completed my second day of TMS sessions . If you want to here more about it just keep reading !
TMS day 2
The second day followed that same steps as the first day . I arrived early in the morning and had the tracker put on my head and then received my first TMS session for the day . Then I went back to my own office for the week . During my downtime I filled the time by reading , listening to Audible ,doing word searches and other activities in my American girl brain benders book, and various other things . For the TMS treatments we decided to increase the intensity . It was more intense for sure but not bad . All throughout the day I went in for my treatments every hour . Towards the end of my sessions for the day . Something interesting happened. I was scrolling through Pinterest looking for things to pin to my boards when my OCD blasted in giving me orders not to pin certain things or if I did pin it I had to for sure make the project. This kind of thing is normal it happens all the time but what isn’t normal is for me not to listen to it . At first I was going follow along with what it told me to do like always but them I stopped myself . I decided to pin what I wanted to. I knew deep down that it would have no effect on anything that happened to me or anyone else . You see OCD is always threatening me that if I don’t obey it’s commands that something bad will happen to me or someone I care about. I reminded myself that bad things happen even when I obey the commands . It’s just life ! I pushed through the small amount of anxiety I had and I disobeyed OCD’s orders . It was a little scary at first but I did it and soon the anxiety was gone. It was odd but in a good way . After my day of sessions was over my mom picked my up and we went to dinner . I had some much needed coffee and pasta then I set my sights on getting ready for the next day .