Dear, OCD I’m in charge now

Hello, my bucket list friends . Last month I wrote quite a few posts about my TMS treatments for OCD . If you want to read them just look at my posts on this blog from February 2019. Anyways, I thought it would be a good idea to give an update on how I’m doing since treatment.Hold on tight and here we go !

 

Dear OCD, I’m in charge now

In my previous posts about TMS I wrote about some of the changes that occurred during treatments. OCD began to lose it’s grip on me and I was feeling more in control then ever before. Well, I’m happy to say that things have continued to improve. Before receiving the TMS treatments, OCD controlled a large part of my day. It was always controlling what I could and could not wear, what songs I could and couldn’t listen to, what order I had to put the blankets on my bed and many more things that impacted my everyday life. I felt anxiety that if I didn’t follow OCD’s orders bad things would happen . I never truly realized just how much of my time that OCD took from me.  Now, things are very different I’m in charge now. I’m able to make my own everyday choices with feeling little to no anxiety. If OCD stars to give me orders I remind it that I’m in charge now and I do what I want to do. I was so used to following OCD’s orders that now sometimes I have to stop and ask myself what I want to do . I feel so free now! Now , don’t get me wrong life is not perfect and it never will be but I feel a lot better now that I’m free from OCD’s control. OCD still sneaks in with it’s unwanted thoughts from time to time but I can dismiss these thoughts faster and easier then ever before ! I’m so happy that I took part in the study at Stanford. Things are looking up.

Rock on – Christina Epperly

 

My 2nd MRI

Hello, my bucket list friends ! Yesterday I got my 2nd and final MRI for the OCD study at Stanford. As always I’m excited to share my experience with all of you. Here we go !

 

My 2nd MRI

 

Things have changed a bit since my last MRI. After the TMS treatments my relationship with my OCD has changed in a huge way ! I’m now in control of my everyday choices instead of my OCD. I feel so free now. I wonder if the MRI showed any change . The MRI was just the same as before. I changed into scrubs and got some ear plugs. After that I got into the machine. I felt really cozy in the MRI machine and towards the end I almost fell asleep ! After the scan was finished I had a call with a doctor to discuss how I was doing after the TMS treatments. On the way home we stopped at this huge whole foods and I got this very cute dog cupcake Overall I’m doing really well right now and I’m so glad that I took part in this study.

Rock on – Christina Epperly

 

TMS day 5 ( the last day !)

Hello, my bucket list friends ! It was a long week but I did it ! I completed five days of TMS treatments. I can’t wait to tell you about my last day so here we go !

 

TMS day 5 ( the last day !)

 

I was very excited for day five because I was going to be going home that evening . I was missing my bed and my cats a lot ! As always the day followed the same pattern of treatments as all the days before . I was feeling pretty good about how I was handling my OCD. I felt in control for the first time in years . When the day ended I was so proud of myself ! It had been a long week but I did it ! After my mom picked me up we went to the Stanford Shopping center. I went shopping at the American Girl store and I got a quiz book and a cute little lamb from the new girl of the year collection. After the American Girl store we went to Starbucks before making our way home. I was very happy to be back home and to have my OCD in it’s place.

Rock on – Christina Epperly

TMS day 4 ( Valentine’s day)

Hello, my bucket list friends ! Valentine’s day 2019 was my fourth day of TMS treatments. Hold on tight as I tell you about day 4 !

TMS day 4 ( Valentine’s day)

Day four ! It was so close to the end of the week ! Plus it was Valentine’s day and my mom was coming to pick me up and were going to get frozen yogurt ! The thoughts of seeing my mom and frozen yogurt kept me excited for that night. The day of treatments were the same as the days before. I was very used to the treatments by day four . Every hour I went and got my TMS treatments and then I went back to my office and hung out . While I was in my office I decided to challenge my OCD again. Things were going pretty well I wasn’t listening to OCD’s orders any more so I went for it . I went on to YouTube and I watched a horror movie trailer then I watched a countdown about horror movies and I didn’t freak out ! Before I began the TMS a trailer for a horror movie popped up on one of my social media feeds I could only make it through a few seconds before closing the ad . Now let me make this clear I don’t like horror movies and I’m not gonna become a big fan of them but with my OCD I can get very easily upset if I see an ad for one . It can raise my anxiety levels and even make me angry . Now I’m able to work on getting myself use to seeing those kinds of ads with out getting upset.  After the TMS sessions were done for the day my mom picked me up. First we went to Whole Foods then we got some Frozen Yogurt at Pink Berry. It was a great way to end another long day of TMS .

Rock On – Christina Epperly

TMS day 3 ! ( Breakthrough)

Hello ,my bucket list friends ! Yesterday was my third day for TMS treatments . It was awesome when I noticed even more change in myself . Ready to ready about it ? Here we go !!

TMS day 3 ! ( Breakthrough)

Day three was a very rainy day but other than that it started out just like the other two days before . Get up early ,get the tracker put on , do TMS,and hangout in my office . Well ,while I was spending some downtime in my office. I got an idea what if I tried listening to a song that my OCD told me I couldn’t. Years ago my OCD told me I couldn’t listen to one of my favorite songs House of Fire by Alice Cooper and if I disobeyed the order and listened to the song something bad would happen. I was a little nervous at first but I went for it and it was one of the best choices I’ve ever made ! I was so happy playing the song over and over and even watching the video ! I felt so free ! I can now make more of my own choices without suffering anxiety . While that was the biggest highlight of the day. I also got to enjoy some yummy snacks from the cutest Disney snack pack ever ! After the treatments were done for the day I went back to where I’m staying and ate, relaxed, and watched the masked singer . I get tired on these long days and I miss home but I’m so thankful to be a part of this study ! I’m also thankful that I’m showing less OCD symptoms !

Rock on ! – Christina Epperly

TMS day 2

Hello, My bucket list friends ! Yesterday I completed my second day of TMS sessions . If you want to here more about it just keep reading !

TMS day 2

The second day followed that same steps as the first day . I arrived early in the morning and had the tracker put on my head and then received my first TMS session for the day . Then I went back to my own office for the week . During my downtime I filled the time by reading , listening to Audible ,doing word searches and other activities in my American girl brain benders book, and various other things . For the TMS treatments we decided to increase the intensity . It was more intense for sure but not bad . All throughout the day I went in for my treatments every hour . Towards the end of my sessions for the day . Something interesting happened. I was scrolling through Pinterest looking for things to pin to my boards when my OCD blasted in giving me orders not to pin certain things or if I did pin it I had to for sure make the project. This kind of thing is normal it happens all the time but what isn’t normal is for me not to listen to it . At first I was going follow along with what it told me to do like always but them I stopped myself . I decided to pin what I wanted to. I knew deep down that it would have no effect on anything that happened to me or anyone else . You see OCD is always threatening me that if I don’t obey it’s commands that something bad will happen to me or someone I care about. I reminded myself that bad things happen even when I obey the commands . It’s just life ! I pushed through the small amount of anxiety I had and I disobeyed OCD’s orders . It was a little scary at first but I did it and soon the anxiety was gone. It was odd but in a good way . After my day of sessions was over my mom picked my up and we went to dinner . I had some much needed coffee and pasta then I set my sights on getting ready for the next day .

Rock on – Christina Epperly

TMS treatment day 1

Hello ,my bucket list friends . This week I’m getting TMS treatments at Stanford for an OCD study . Today was the first day of my TMS treatment . It’s an interesting topic that I can’t wait to tell all of you about. Here we go !

TMS treatment day 1

My first day of TMS started bright and early . I didn’t sleep well last night so I was already tired but I was ready to begin .First stop was the room where I would be receiving my TMS treatments. I had been in the treatment room before but now was the time for my first official TMS session . A device called a tracker was placed on my head and it would stay there for the rest of the day . It made me feel like I was in a science fiction movie ! I liked the tracker and I took lots of pictures of it . It felt weird when it was first put on but I got used to it very quickly . There were also stickers put on my chest to measure my heart rate thoes stayed there for the rest of the day also . Since the TMS sessions are short and only take place once an hour I had a room to go to in-between treatments . I filled up my down time with different activities but my favorite was doing word searches in my American Girl brain benders book . The treatments themselves were pretty simple I sat in a comfy chair that is similar to a dentist’s chair. Then the heart monitor was connected to the stickers on my chest . After a few sessions I was able to connect the cords to the stickers myself . After that a coil was placed on my head and the treatment begun. TMS is a very interesting feeling and it’s kind of hard to explain but each treatment seemed like it was over before I knew it . I was there until evening with some wonderful supportive staff . It was a long day but I’m so happy to be a part of this research ! Now , on to day two ! Rock On – Christina Epperly